In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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