ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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