I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
