so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
