I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
