STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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