We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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