The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
