I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Redeem this text for a blowjob
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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