This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
