its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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