weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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