Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
