The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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