Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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