Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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