apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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