I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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