I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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