Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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