I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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