3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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