I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize