it wasn't lemon gatorade
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
