its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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