i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
