You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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