you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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