Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
