A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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