My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
