you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
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we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
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you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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