So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i think my cat just said my name.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
