Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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