she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
