He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
