this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
