how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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