naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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