shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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