Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
