you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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