its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
