You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
