I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
