Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You ruined the universe
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
