I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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