A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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