i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
porn star boner night. come get it.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
