She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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