I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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