Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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