And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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