Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
