i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
