Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just invented taco cereal.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
