Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
