Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The air was thick with penises
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
