i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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