someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
