There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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