my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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