and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
