how can u be prego again
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
