i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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