sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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