it was like eating out sand paper
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
