Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
