I want you more than these girls want KFC
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
