her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
