There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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