How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
