I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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