he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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