East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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