You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
